Final visit this trip this morning...

I have so many things going through my head this morning. I had 8 hours of sleep last "night" (I put that in quote because I slept from 8 pm to 4 am). So maybe my mind is on overload this morning just because it CAN! :)

As I reflect back on our visits with Timmy, I think about how different he and Benjamin are. He is a quiet boy but yet he has a strong personality. Yesterday was rough for him. Our visit Friday was a difficult one. There were a lot of people around and I think it made him nervous. He clung to me, which I think is a good sign. :) But he was really afraid of his biological brother. That was our first visit in a month. Then came yesterday. When he came to us in the morning, I felt like he was tired or something. He spent the first half hour destroying things. We would throw the ball to him and he would kick it away. We would build a tower, he would knock it down. We tried to call him to us, he walked far away from us. It was rather frustrating. But then our coordinators gave us some alone time just the three of us and it a whole new person came out of Timmy. He was open to us. He giggled. He laughed even! He was really fun. It turned out to be a great visit.

I'm thinking that all of these visits are confusing for him. I have to remember he is a whole year older than Benjamin was when we were visiting him. He knows something is strange. He doesn't understand what's going on. We were there a month ago. Then we left. Then we come back and there are a bunch of extra people around. Yesterday was more "normal" after we got past the first half hour. But then our second visit came. It was hot in the room, outside. The toys were the same toys we have played with for each visit. It was getting boring. Under normal circumstances, a  parent would want to spend as much time as possible with their child. I mean, we won't see him for a month! BUT, all I could think is...I can't wait to get him home. Home...where we can actually bond with him forever...never leaving him. We can care for his needs. We can feed him. We can take him to the Dr. and get rid of this cough. (he still has it) We can pick him up and hold him when he's scared, clean up his boo boos...you know the drill.

It's so hard to visit in these unnatural situations. The good news is...court is Tuesday. When we leave him today, we know that the next time we travel to this city we will take him with us forever. We will be his parents. He will have no other option. :) This sounds mean but it's hard to bond when he sees his friends playing in a pool...hears familiar language in the room... Why would he want to be with us? Don't get me wrong, I think he likes us. I think he just doesn't know what to make of us. He will soon know his parent's (and siblings') love. I can't wait for that moment. I know he may not accept it immediately, but it will be offered regardless.

Please pray for our remaining visit with him this morning. Pray he will remember us when we pick him up. Pray for court, that the judge would be merciful and not mean. Pray for Gregg who will be the one talking most of the time during court. Pray for Timmy's health, that he can hold on one more month with this horrible cough. Pray for healing. Thank you for praying.

Special thanks goes out to my sister. She's at home manning the fort. :) We know our lives are complicated. But she willingly came to our house to parent our kids. She's a saint. Our kids love her and can feel her love while we are gone. We could ask for nothing more. I love you Becky!